A Loner's Life

Today is my third day out of camp. The past few days were really hard for me. I cant remember the number of pills I have taken. Despite that, my temperature did'nt get back to norm. My highest temp recorded was 39.2, man... I though i was goin to get brain damage. Its really hard to describe the kind of torment that i have went through. Worse, it lasted four days and I had to take so many days of MC. All my camp mates were all jealous cause its damn hard to get one day of in the Army. Well, to me its just totally the reverse. Not that i am too serious, just that I want to go back to training so that I would'nt miss out too much.

Also don't want to let my love ones worried for me. I don't to trouble my dad since he had been driving me around for bloodtests. I made someone worried for me. She's got loads of work to do, yet she had to check me out frequently. So much care and concern from her but she's only a special friend of mine. Am i stupid ? I suddenly think there is no point sitting on the fence. Love her or not, I got to tell her soon. After chatting with her the previous night, I sort of understand whats her plan... it's a plan which she sacrifice for me...its like hiding in one corner to see if i was okie...Hiding in that quiet corner to see if i was happy...And when i needed her she promised she would be there...But when i found someone new, she will just leave quietly...This is not fair to her. I felt her sadness, I wanna comfort her but I can't just go back to her like that.

Our relationship has got tough problems which needs to be settled. If i close one eye and "whack", its not goin to work. I really dunnoe what to do...I used to give advice to my peers and share my experience with them. Then, i was a proud Boyfriend. But now...I am just a loser...To this gal, "please don't be foolish anymore!" Its kinda cliche but "there are better guys out there!"